Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
