We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
