Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
