Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
