dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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