Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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