Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
