she takes plan B like it's going out of style
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize