I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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