This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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