A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
