He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
