I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
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You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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