My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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