his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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