why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
