i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
