Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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