I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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