I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
