Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
