I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
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I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
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I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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