what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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