i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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