Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
And then my night got REAL pukey
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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