He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He kissed a someone with a penis
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
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I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
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He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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