i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she smelled like a LAN party
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I love having hate sex.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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