Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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