I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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