I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
