bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
