oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
