I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Walk of Shame today included voting.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
