4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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