lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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