Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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