Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
