I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
