I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
