I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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