ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
