I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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