Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
