so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
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After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
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Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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