I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
