Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
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The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
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She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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