problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
