just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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