I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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