Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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