Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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