Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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