Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
