Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
