I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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