Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
