My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
