you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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