I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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